I feel pretty messed up, my mood has not been very good. Maybe it's cause I'm so tired all the time, don't get enough rest anymore these days, it's always work work work. I'm kinda scared because if this is just the beginning, then how long will I have to stay till the end? Well, I have so many people secretly supporting me and that is probably the only thing that is keeping me going strong. If not for them, I would already be giving up completely. I think another reason why I feel so damn shitty, is because I'm gaining tons of weight and no matter what my stomach and brain can't seem to control the amount of food I eat. Oh god, what if i end up obese on a couch eating my Mac and cheese and shouting at my maid telling her to bring me more food?!?! I hope it won't ever happen :( I feel horrible, don't get to wear nice clothes, go swimming and my pregnant stomach isn't doing much justice for me! Sighhhhhhh why can't we eat but not put on weight, maybe I need to go to the beach and unwind a bit. Maybe that's what I will do. Goodnight.
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